I'd bet most of my heartache and mistakes come from acting on emotion. Anytime I get discouraged, let down or angry, I look for a quick fix. The pressure bottles up and I hurry for a release. Like going off on someone. Be it my boys, Kelly, or the mouth sitting the stands at the baseball game. If we can learn to control our emotion, we can control almost anything, almost any situation.
I look back to the jealous boyfriend who thought I was hitting on his girl. My initial thought was who is this idiot and why is he wasting my time, but somehow or another I controlled that emotion and realized he was just hurting, and I was his release. My response not only calmed him down, but I believe made him feel better about his situation. You can read that story here: Kindness Doesn't Show Weakness
Results vary because of our marketing. That's right, marketing. Marketing is anything we say or do. EVERYTHING we say or do.
How I get my boys to obey is marketing. How I convince them to get along... marketing. How Kelly and I were able to get our land for the right price, marketing. Even how she and I ended up together - it's all marketing.
I was able to calm the jealous boyfriend down with marketing.
The dad in the stands at the baseball game... I didn't do well with my marketing. I didn't do well handling his disappointment. He didn't like a decision I made, and I didn't care why. And that's where it went downhill.
He said it was "bad coaching". He said it behind my back, and probably didn't expect me to hear it.
My response was poor marketing. It was defensive, which is what most responses would have been. He was being a jerk, I needed to repay the gesture.
And I did great at it - do you want to talk about my "bad coaching"?
That was my release. But regardless of his response, it left a bad taste in my mouth. I went to bed knowing I could have handled it better. And now, even though his response was very cordial, it will be uncomfortable at our next game, and probably the rest of our games.
Everything would be different had I responded with - I know that looked like bad coaching but my thinking was...
Entirely different approach. Entirely different marketing. And an entirely different environment going forward.
I disregarded his pain, and tried to add to it.
I need a new approach:
I need to care more about people and less about their actions.